I have been practicing thinking and showing up for my days as I imagine my future self would.
She’s a published author.
The kind that makes a lot of money because she sells her book rights also for TV and movie adaptations.
She gives seminars and lectures.
She has meetings over lunch and dinners with top industry leaders.
She is groomed and dressed classy and with high quality clothes that fit her perfectly.
She is in great shape and eats and moves in a way that serves her.

And in my way of visualizing her, I tried to implement from my wardrobe, the way she would dress up for the day, the way she would style her hair, and the way she would take care of her skin and makeup each morning.

And so, one bright day I came across a picture on Pinterest of a beautiful French handbag, looked it up, and from what I’ve seen, it looked exactly like the image of that fine bag my future self would have.

I decided to treat myself and purchase it and it arrived few days ago.

When the package arrived I was in complete awe. The whole way it was packaged was just exquisite and everything to the last details said “high quality,” “classy,” “elegance.”

I put it away and everyday when I get dressed and want to use it, I look at myself in the mirror and feel both like something is wrong with the picture, as well as guilt.

My two main thoughts are:

“You earn $0 for a living for a couple of years already and walking around with a $450 handbag is just you’re pretending to be someone who has money but you don’t.”

“This handbag is way out of your league.”

Now, there’s no real bad consequence to put the bag away and not use it yet. It just simply revealed to me what I am thinking and how I see myself now.
While on many levels I show up as my future self, there’s something about this expensive handbag that showed me where I am not there yet.

And so I was wondering if this case has to do with my thoughts about money or my thoughts about my worth or my “league”?
I am not sure…