Showing Up For Myself

I bitched and moaned with the September scholars work. Then today I got up and said “enough is enough!. I am going to have the perfect day. I’m going to stick to my protocol, allow all urges to drink and buffer. I’m going to make a plan and stick to it.” I say this so many days but then I don’t do it. But today I did! The feeling of pride is amazing! It was tough, but because of all the awareness from failing before today I was able to catch my sabotaging thoughts. It took me 6 months in scholars to have a day like this. I guess I’m a slow learner but that’s ok. So, the next thing I am noticing is that I am avoiding certain things that I think will cause horrible emotions. One thing I know I need to do is watch a video where I was coached. I hate seeing videos of myself and I feel that it would be beneficial for me to watch the call again and try to love the person (me) I see. This seems so cringey. After I was coached I felt ashamed and embarrassed the next day. I guess my question is: should I go towards these type of situations where I know I will feel a negative dreaded emotion or is it ok to let it go and not feel horrible about watching my coaching video? I am trying to practice loving myself and maybe that would just make it worse.