Last year my domestic partner cut back working to part-time while working full time with overtime. At the time, I felt that this was a reasonable decision. I agreed and liked his/our reasons for making the decision. However, I’m not sure if it was explicitly stated or inferred that when he cut back at work, he would do more house projects. When we first started dating, I felt like he was one of the hardest working people I knew, and I really loved and respected this quality. Now I notice that he does much less than he used to when working full time and spends a significant portion of his day on YouTube.
I’m often frustrated and disappointed by this. I have many negative thoughts around this regarding him and regarding our current relationship.
My current model:
C: E worked 1 hour on the house today
T: he needs to do more
A: show up towards him and remark on my perceived lack of his contribution in a negative way, question if I want to stay committed to this relationship, question if I should continue my work/financial goals, consider changing our financial arrangement and separating our bank accounts/finances, react towards him in a nonloving manner, be unsupportive of his interests, repeat my desires to him in a repeated manner (he would call this nagging)
R: I do not create the relationship I desire.
However, I’m not sure what I want my future/ideal model to be without changing the circumstance. I do want to have a great, loving, committed relationship with this guy, but I am not sure if I want to be committed to a person that doesn’t “carry their own weight.” I logically understand that I can not control him.
I feel stuck on if I should have a solution-focused mindset on ways to get the tasks I want to be completed and feeling like he is making a contribution or if I should work on changing my thoughts. At this point, I’m not sure I want to change my thoughts or if I like my reasons for the thoughts, but when I try to dig deeper here, I feel like I’m hitting a mental roadblock.