Sinking sad feeling upon signing up.

Dear Brooke,
I know excitement is what I “should” feel, but I feel sadness and tears; I was with you back in your early days and no one since has been as effective for me. When we were working together then, I started to get whiney and victim-ey and wasn’t doing my homework and got passed on to one of your coaches in training (who had multiple gifts for me, too). It’s taken years, but I see how attached I am to being a victim of my own stinkin’ thinkin’. It’s what I know. I’ve signed up now for SCS and am so fearful of stepping aside from evolving to retreat back to the victim cave (depression). I am in a year long program now with a wonderful woman doing Katie Byron’s Work. When I hit a tough period in my life, though, I turned away from The Work, despite ample evidence over the years that I would feel better if I did it. I saw that I apparently preferred to have sadness and anger and helplessness be the predominant emotions. So, today, signing up with you, who I know speaks to my heart and soul the way no one else has, means risking finding out that I’ll never choose to make the leap out of the cave. It’s terrifying and heartbreaking. And I know it is up to me to make it work for me. And what if I don’t value me, or believe in me, or love me enough to stick it out? It looks like a life sentence to misery. (Oh, so much drama.)