My mother is dying and my sister is struggling with a lifetime of issues between them. She has decided to not have any contact with my mother and limited contact with me. She called today and we had a good conversation and then she went through all of the issues she has with my mother – trauma, abuse, neglect, etc. She said that my mother treated me differently but that she is a narcissist and does not love either one of us. I really did not feel upset about this conversation at all. I did not feel the need to defend my mother or argue with my sister’s beliefs. I am actually surprised about my reaction but in a good way.
Here is my model. Am I missing anything?
C: Sister said words about mother
T: She is entitled to her own truth
A: Listen, validate, hold my own beliefs as different from hers
R: Maintain a relationship with both sister and mother