I’m feeling pretty heartbroken after an argument with my sister yesterday. We communicate very differently. In the past, I have found it to be very hurtful because I thought that she was wrong for communicating the way she does. Now, after lots of coaching, I understand more that she has the right to behave however she wants. She obviously doesn’t see that there’s an issue with how she communicates.

I’m having a hard time figuring out how to set a clear boundary for myself. I don’t want to engage in this type of behavior, nor do I want to be treated the way she treats me. I don’t want to hold onto resentment and cut her out of my life from anger and blame. But I also find that being close doesn’t work either because if there’s any sort of disagreement, she treats me in ways that I don’t want to be treated.

C: Sisters says words to me
T: She is being mean and attacking my character
F: Hurt
A: Defend myself
R: Conversation devolves into an unproductive way of communicating, more hurt and resentment builds between us

C: Sisters says words to me
T: This type of behavior is no longer okay for me in my life
F: Sad
A: Find a way to set clear, healthy boundaries for myself
R: I get to be in charge of how I feel and how I let others treat me

C: Setting boundaries
T: I want to have my own back and not feel bad or wrong for setting boundaries with her
F: Self trust and compassion
A: Get support, coaching, and/or therapy on how to set boundaries and feel at peace and trusting in myself
R: I get to make decisions in my life that I’m fully on board with and trust. I make decisions that allow peace and release resentment and hurt.