Sister drama in my head part two


I don’t fully understand but I intellectually understand your advice- Don’t worry about what other people think of me.

My life goal is to be a good person so people like me. This is how I operate. It is unhealthy and SCS is helping me see that.

However, I get stuck with my belief that the goal in life is to be a good kind person. So that drives my thoughts and thus my feelings and behaviors. If I decide not to care what others think of me, I can just know for myself I am a good person and operating from integrity and people can think what they want. I realize I can’t control others thoughts so it is an illusion to try. But then I loop back into thinking if people don’t like me, or what I am doing, then I am not being a good person. Can you help me out of this cycle with a bit more explanation please. Thank you. Here are some models I tried:

C: Siblings
T: Everyone is judging me so I better do this right
F: anxious, inauthentic
A: say what I know people want to hear
R: I remain the peacekeeper of the family
I feel like a lier
I hate myself

C: Siblings
T: I am loved for who I am ??
F: grounded
A: not worry about how people are judging me, not worry if siblings cut me off forever, be kind and know I am being in integrity,
R: Less family drama

C:siblings
T: Their judgements won’t hurt me
F: self confident
A: be me without filtering words to please them
R: truer relationships

I know I have to be willing to accept I may be totally cut out of my family forever in order to change this behavior. That isn’t something I want as a result so I am having trouble getting on board with letting go of what people think. However I also understand they aren’t really loving me if I show up in a false way to please them. This is mindboggling so obviously I am choosing confusion. Can you give me more questions or feed back or sample models to help get me unstuck.