Hi Brooke ,
Thanks for your response. I just wanted to check a few things. I understand that the way I am thinking about this is not helpful to ME. It definitely does not feel good. However as my sister has actually physically attacked me and other members of the family, I find it difficult to come up with a new more positive story about this. Could you help give me an example? I can’t tell myself that this is okay. One of my other sisters feels genuine fear and won’t go near my other sister (the one who has attacked us).
Another issue for me is that I have to directly work alongside/with this sister. I know that my sister is allowed to be whoever she wants to be/ do whatever she wants to do. But what if her actions directly affect my life? What sort of thing can I say to myself to make this easier?
I want to feel free of my sister and make it that her decisions and actions don’t affect me. I want to feel in control and have more peace and fun through this process.
Some alternative thoughts I have come up with, but I don’t think I have done a very good job here. Anything you can think of that would help please share!
C – Business and sister
T – It will one day have an end point and I can then get on with my life? ( but I want to be able to manage my life now not in 2 years time)
My sister is allowed to be who she wants to be and that doesn’t have to affect me – (but it does!)
I think we need to get a solicitor involved, but am upset that this is going to cost a lot of money, so didn’t really want to have to do this.

Reverse model
R – more in control
A – Get a solicitor involved – set up some rules legally
F- Motivated, determined,
T- I can do this. I can make this fair. I can gain back some control.
C- Business and Sister
This has been an option I have been thinking of for a while. I keep getting ‘paralysed by inaction’ because I really don’t want to spend the money on legal fees which are very expensive, and keep waiting for my sister to see reason. I do feel so upset that this is how it has to be. However I guess since I cannot change my sister, and I cannot live where a narcissist controls my life, I guess this leaves me no choice, right?

R – Free of my sister
A- Sell business and get estate settled – create time to do this (stop any other things that I want to do so that I deal with this estate. Make it my priority.– this creates inner conflict as I feel upset that I have to put my life on hold for this)
F- motivated, like I have time to do this, happy to do it.
T- I can do this. It will be worth it.
C- Business and sister

My other gripe is that my health has not been very good. I have recently been on medication that has improved my quality of life dramatically. However, I have a limited time I am able to take this medication due to side effects. I feel a little bit upset that my good health is being used up dealing with this sister/ mess. I would prefer to be focussing on more positive things and enjoying life. I can see that this thought is causing me pain. I just don’t know how to change it. I have so many painful thoughts and emotions about this. I get really confused what to do for the best.
I know I need to think in a way that serves me. And understand that this is my hand. I am unsure what the best decision is for me…
Thanks a million Brooke. This is a tough one for me. xxx