I am practicing thinking the thought, “she is doing the best she can” about my sister who I do not particularly get along with. My story about her is that she is determined to dislike me or find me at fault no matter how I behave, or act, or treat her, or what I say- it is almost like, in my view, if she thought there was nothing wrong with me, she would have to tell herself a different story about herself. (For example, if I were not at fault for her every woe she would have to take responsibility for how she feels, acts, and experiences life.)
Using the thought, “she is doing the best she can” in my interactions with her does bring a sense of relief and at least to some degree seems to lighten the mood of the room. I think that thinking this thought toward her improves things substantially.
However, there are still moments like at the end of a visit if I say, “thank you for sharing xxxx with us” (she showed us her new couch, and I am never invited over unless it is a group family visit, as this was) when I am leaving, then there are the pursed lips, the wrinkled nose, the tense body language.
Maybe the issue is I am having trouble STILL letting her just not like me. Things have improved, but this just baffles me. (except it doesn’t… see last sentence of paragraph 1)
Maybe in addition to, “she is doing the best she can” I need an additional thought for when I feel like she is rejecting me despite my best efforts to send love and kindness her way? I would like to feel relaxed, kind, and open around her, even if she doesn’t like me, and doesn’t mind showing it.