After taking a few days to cool down, I got back to my sisters whom I had blocked for a few days because I had given them an ultimatum and said “I can’t work with you like this – I am removing myself from the equation.”
I apologized for reacting poorly, and let them know I loved them and wanted to re-enter the converstaion where I promised to listen to their ideas and be honest about what I would agree to. One sister responded, “glad you are in a better headspace, love you too.” The 2 others sisters didn’t respond. We were previously in converstaiton about dealing with my aging father. I spoke with my dad a few days after my apology text, and he said, “Marcy, Emily and Cheryl are coming up to move me on October 8th.” When I learned that – I felt righteous indignation. “See – they do exclude me” I justified. I decided that I would go, and either surprise them, or tell them via text that I’d like to go. I decided to text them and tell them I knew they were going and I’d like to go. Later, after the other 2 sisters still didn’t respond, I decided to retract my desire to go – the other sister had told me they didn’ t really need my help, but that I could chip in $500 to move dad.
C: “Are you sure you want to go? It’s gonna be expensive and I’m not sure there will be anything for you to do. We wanted to ask you to pay for the Junk removal service, $500”
T: They want my money, not me
A: judge self for the previous reaction that seemed to set off a chain reaction that actually got me what I wanted: not to be controlled. But annoyed I got what I wanted cuz I was not a part of the conversation that led to the ask. Feel sense of loss for not being a part of the moving of my dad, possible reconnection with sisters, Sense of irony, not wanting to be controlled – and noticing I had no control no matter what I did, and I’m not happy before or after the situation “resolved itself” , Wonder how long I will continue giving my happiness power away to what is happening in my life and around me. Wonder about all the meaning I put on people’s words and their actions. Cloud my peaceful mind with sadness and sense of resignation. Not feel my emotions.
R: I now would rather send them my money, then go and be there.