I’ve done several models about speaking with people and small talk. Let me explain, quick conversation to check in on mom or MiL, sister, aunt, retired father… “Hey, hope all is going well… Have a good day. Thinking of you, can I take you to lunch. Do you need anything?”
I actively listen and try to connect… and this is a pattern I see:
They talk/complain about weather, fear and being prepared
Something i should see on social media, a cousins post
Often complain of someone/ guilt and obligation
How someone is driving
How I parked
Going to the dentist- fear
Their 52 year old son riding in a ferris wheel being terrified
Advice without asking for guidance- paint color
Anger at Politics
Recent tragedy and fear mongering
Lots of shoulding
How everyone they date is a liar and they are catfished
Complaints about feminism and oppression
Anger at the Government Shut down
Drama about how difficult their work is, how hard they work
Complaining to me that I’m not paying my housekeeper a “fair living wage”
So, I start with listening and understanding… but when I don’t jump in the pool and get agitated with them about a point they find important- they quickly spiral into deeper negativity and hear something or a tone I have not used. My guess is they are reacting to their own trigger. I have compassion and realize i can do no more good and try to leave on a high note, saying good bye.
I am fascinated at the different transitions in life as we get older. But they have a list of topics to illicit a tone and response… that i don’t give energy to…
I don’t want to be the person that fakes that agitated conversation for their ease. There is discomfort when the negative small talk isn’t seized upon… and I sit and allow that, often sending them a compliment or asking a question… that discomfort is ok, its a part of every relationship.
Is there any further thought work or an element i can take responsibility for?
My work has brought these awkward moments into crisp focus. It is scary and wonderfully amazing. Compassion is my goal.
But there is so much fear mongering… and I go for a walk with my dog. Allowing a space and for something to fill it.
When SCS do this work… do many SCS feel this tangibly? It’s a before and after feeling in my thoughts. The words i chose,
The thoughts i chose, the feelings i chose.
The conversations remind me of:
1- the regurgitated humans fed to the “copper tops” humans in suspended animation in the matrix, cycled over and over again (OR)
2- someone insecure trolling for an intense emotion, going down a list until they are charged with drama