I share a home with my daughter, her husband and their small children. Early on in our living together, I was very clear I did not want any smoking (of anything) in the house and they agreed. Subsequently, my SIL would go out to the garage and I could smell weed (which is legal here). I have not commented on that, even though I don’t like it.

Yesterday, I came home and the smell in the entryway hall was very clear – weed had been smoked in the house, and in fact there was a can of deodorizer on the stairs. Can you help with my models? I’m seeing a lot of emotions in lines besides the F line!

Lastly, because this is a known boundry I felt we had established literally years ago, I want to confront him. Then I wonder, am I having a boundary issue or…do I have a manual for my SIL where he doesn’t smoke pot anywhere on the premises because that is what would make ME happy? (If you can’t tell, this is a really big deal to me).

UM
C – Weed smoked in house
T – (one of many thoughts) My house is a drug house now.
F – Disrespected
A – Replay a lot of scenarios in my head where I confront him, fume a lot, etc.
R – I’m upset, feel disrespected, etc.

IM
C – Weed smoked in house
T – This is breaking a boundary
F – Irritated ?
A – Calmly remind SIL about previous agreement
R – SIL doesn’t smoke in house.