So interesting

This morning I realized from my models that all the work I’m doing here comes down to one basic thing – it’s easier to blame circumstances and feel like a victim than it is to take responsibility for my own thoughts and emotions and then take action. I guess I’ve realized on an intellectual level that this is what is being taught here and I’ve seen it come up in my models and questions. But today was like a 2×4 hitting me in the head. I don’t want to decide on a protocol because then I’m responsible for following it. I’d rather blame circumstances for why I can’t do it. Now the question is why? Why don’t I want to take responsibility for myself? Why would I prefer to be a victim and blame the universe for not conforming to my wishes and doing everything the way I want? And also how, how do I become someone who takes full responsibility for every thought and emotion and action? Interesting work ahead. Any insights or advice would be appreciated.