So Irritable

I’ve been so irritable lately and I’m frustrated both with the things that irritate me as well as myself for being so irritable and kind of rude to people at times.

Here’s the most recent example:
I just got off a telehealth call with a new nurse practitioner I saw recently. We were supposed to go over results from my visit last week. I never got a link for the telehealth call, so called the office and messaged the provider through the portal and looked for a link in the portal (there was none). Eventually I got transferred to the proper location on the phone and the woman who answered told me she’d have to text me a link for the appointment, but then she wanted me to stay on the phone with her it seemed. Apparently she had to verbally give me a code to enter to get into the portal to access the check-in screen where I answered questions confirming nothing changed since last visit. Then I was supposed to pay my copay, but she had it down as $50 when it was supposed to be $0 for telehealth, which she said she’d fix. Then she said I would be transferred to the office staff and I asked why I wouldn’t just be transferred to the NP. She said they had to go over stuff with me. All they did was ask me the same questions I’d just filled out in the online check-in. Then I wait some more for the NP. Then the NP finally gets on the call at like 10:32am. The visit was scheduled to go from 10-10:30am, so I was pretty annoyed at this point. She can’t hear anything I’m saying–there’s some kind of audio issue even though the other office staff could hear me fine on the same software. So she calls me on the phone and I explain my frustration and then she tells me they don’t even have my test results–the entire point of the visit. SMH. She says they’re on the phone with Quest about the results and asks me to hold. I say we are going to have to reschedule anyways, so why don’t we just end the call. She says she’ll call me in a few minutes. I explain I have a lot to get done and calls are not ideal & email would be better, but she seems to have stepped away though and maybe didn’t hear me say that because I don’t get a response, so I hang up. I feel like a dick and I was rude to the NP and it’s not her fault per se.

I feel like several things like this have been happening. I also just moved a couple weeks ago to a new state where I don’t know anyone. My best friend has been on an emotional roller coaster with her BF and I’ve been hearing a lot about that and finally told her how it was impacting me to see her in a toxic situation. She’s also been traveling the world for 2 months and hasn’t been the support she normally is. So, I can understand why I’m having a tougher time than usual. But the fact of the matter is, I don’t have much patience for inefficient systems and processes normally and have a short fuse when I perceive someone is wasting my valuable time. I don’t like this about myself. It’s hard to be compassionate with myself when I was just rude to someone.

So I want to quit being an irritable jerk and I also want to give myself more compassion. I also want some control over feeling extra irritable lately. I just feel a little out of control with it.