I’ve really dedicated myself to self-coaching around my weight and body image; weight loss is my impossible goal for this year and I’m seeing some results. I am nowhere near where I want to be, though, and I want to continue to spend my coaching energy there.
However, I’ve realized as the work trickles into other areas of my life that I really want to change the way I think about my husband in pretty much every area of our relationship and I almost can’t stand to NOT do that work because the problem is so glaring now. He is a really good person and is just being himself, but pretty much every thought I have about him and his actions is negative. I have a big ol’ fat manual for him, in other words. 🙂 And the result is that there is a LOT of tension between us. We don’t fight, but we are not close either. It is like we are just circling each other, and I know that my thoughts have generated this tension. I fear that it is going to take a lot of effort from me to work through this, just like it’s taking to work through the weight stuff.
If I’ve chosen to focus on weight loss and body image for my impossible goal and want to continue keeping my focus there for now, how do I also begin to change my relationship? For the sake of myself, and him, and our children, I feel like it is a really pressing issue … but so is releasing my lifelong struggle with my body.
Just writing this, I realize that noticing my thoughts and allowing the feelings releases some tension, so I could just keep letting them pop up and recognizing them. But I have to generate a lot of new actions in order to bridge the distance that has been growing between us for several years now and it is scary as hell. How do I go through the “river of misery” in two major areas of my life at the same time? I don’t have all day to do self-coaching!! Though wouldn’t that be nice? 🙂
Any guidance would be much appreciated. Thanks!