So much confusion?!?

I am a physician, certified through LCS march 2019, creating a coaching program for physicians as a side gig for now while working full time as a physician.

I find myself with a multitude of thoughts lately:
-I don’t know how to feel anymore
-I’m blocking my emotions
-I can’t conjure up the feelings I want to
-There’s so much cognitive dissonance in my head
-I don’t know how to accept reality while still wanting to change it without rejecting it or rushing
-my self coaching is worse than it used to be

And so many more. And I’m starting to think…maybe it’s pointless to be coaching myself on these thoughts? I’m totally in the pool believing all this is true about me, but maybe I’m buffering fear with confusion and then resisting the confusion? I don’t actually know that to be the case, I don’t feel fear, I don’t feel much of anything the past few weeks, mostly feel neutral or armored, but those thoughts seem like they would drive confusion/uncertainty/frustration…. just trying to logic through what might be going on.

If that is the case, perhaps I should just focus on who I want to be, the person I’m growing into (a single digit handicapper in golf :), a physician who is a mover and shaker and leader in transforming the health care system) and for now focus on believing and becoming those people? I haven’t done too much self coaching in that regard the past few weeks as I’ve been coaching myself on thoughts like the first ones I posted and just don’t seem to be learning much, getting very far. Thank you for any insight here!