So Very Glad my Horse is Alive, Part 2


Thank you for working with me on this. I hadn’t been able to walk myself thru these models myself. I appreciate the help.

How are these models?

C: saw my horse grazing in pasture
T: He is alive!!!!!!!!
F: joy
A: watch him
R: I consciously realize how happy I am to see him alive and enjoying the fresh spring grass. Pasture is his favorite and I am so delighted he not only is alive, but strong enough to walk out to eat it!

C: I consciously realize how happy I am to see him alive
T: You can’t be happy
F: hurt
A: throat choked, tears run
R: crying

C: “crying”
T: I have every right to be happy.
F: anger
A: get ready to fight
R: clenched teeth, shoulders tight, not moving

C: clenched teeth, shoulders tight, not moving
T: You have to suffer because you are bad
F: defeated
A: deflate, wander aimlessly, afraid to do anything because it will be “wrong” and then I am “more bad”, confused, don’t know what to do, move slow, drag out doing my chores, tormented in the barn feeding my horses because I am afraid I will do it wrong and hurt them, beat myself for missing my scheduled times
R: I get really hungry, my chores take all day, I “don’t have time ” to do the things I want, like go out to the barn and work with my horses

C: My horses are outside. I stay in the house.
T: I want to go see them.
F: longing
A: keep telling myself to go out. I don’t.
R: feel powerless to achieve my wants (I WANT to see them but I rarely actually do see them)

C: I go out to the barn
T: I am delighted I finally worked my horses
F:Joy………and I start the model loop over again.

Summary:

I notice I’m Happy
T: happy is unacceptable
I get mad
T: you have to suffer because you are bad
I am longing to see my horses, hurts, acceptable
The longing becomes unbearable — I go see my horses—-I notice I am happy—-run the loop again