First of all, I love having this space. It SO makes me feel less alone. So many people I know live so deeply unconsciously. It’s hard to explain this work and what I’m trying to do to others. That is if I feel like explaining. I know it doesn’t matter what others think, only my thinking matters.

I’m feeling a bit defeated. I spent the morning planning my goal for April. I am working on reaching my weight loss goal first. Trying to CONSTRAIN. I haven’t really focused on alcohol. Even without any conscious focus, my drinking has dropped a TON.

My best friend just popped over. We opened a bottle of chard, I make her lunch, our kids played. It was actually lovely. But I feel frustrated that despite my belief that I don’t desire alcohol because of my recent drastic reduction, I must still love it.

Here’s my model for your feedback:-)

C: I drank with my BF unplanned
T: I love sharing this moment with my BF with wine, food and our children
F: connected, celebratory
A: Drink wine against my vision
R: Drank wine unplanned

Intentional model (how would i ever access this on the fly?)
C: I drank with my BF unplanned
T: I’m still learning; I haven’t worked on alcohol desire yet; It’s all good, it will come
F: forgiveness, compassion, hope
A: Understanding, less jugdment
R: Drink wine unplanned