Son – Lack of Trust

Hi Brooke,

My husband and I recently caught my 16 year old son sneaking out of the house after midnight. We also found some marijuana in his room. He said he only did it a couple of times (both sneaking out and the marijuana) and we believe him based on what we know of him and because we choose to. We grounded him for a week as punishment.

However, now that the week is over, I find myself not trusting him at all. I snoop around his room and panic whenever he asks to go out. When he comes home, I start sniffing around – literally – to see if I can smell drugs.

C: Son snuck out and used drugs
T: He cannot be trusted
F: Suspicious, worry
A: Constantly on his back, nagging, looking for evidence
R: He cannot be trusted

C: Son snuck out and used drugs
T: I cannot control his actions, just set my own guidelines and expectations and hope for the best
F: Scared, worry
A: Holding my breath, but not nagging or snooping
R: Staying in my business and managing my own mind

I guess my question is, my second model feels better but not great. I still feel myself constantly on edge. Any advice on how to let go of my worry about him and still parent effectively?

Thank you!