Son shows disrespect

Hi, I have a son who often is “disrespectful” to me. I know that is my thought about his behavior and words. I have a “manual’ for him as to “what good 10-year-old boys act like.” However, I do get calls from the school and I don’t like the way he talks to me sometimes. I often start off neutral but at some point revert to emotional childhood and lose my temper and then meet myself with shame.

My brain is always offering that this is never going to work, that I’m getting nowhere. It feels very disempowering. I don’t want to let him talk to me that way but my brain keeps offering you are making no progress which makes me just want to ignore him and hope it fixes itself.

C I say words directly to son of instruction and he walks always laughing
T I can’t believe he just laughed in my face
F Disrespected
A Ask him to come back politely, once or twice, lose my temper, yell at him, judge him, judge myself
R I disrespect myself and nothing is solved

C I say words directly to son and he walks away laughing
T I want him to care (I think this what crushing me-I want him to be different then he is)
F Frustrated
A Try to control him
R Fail me and fail him

I can’t let go of wanting him to be different. Thoughts?