Hello, yesterday my 13 year old son had his first day back at school & found it overwhelming and upsetting. He talked to us extensively about it and even cried a bit yesterday. (I need to note he was also exhausted after having to wake early, following a summer of a different sleep rhythm!)
It was very upsetting for me to see him this way but I think my husband and I supported him as well as we could, just listened & reminded him and ourselves that he’s struggled before with the first day but then things improve. Also, yesterday was Covid testing day so son felt it was army-like and boring.
Can I please check my models which I did this morning after doing a Thought Download? Just for some input, as accusing myself when son struggles tends to be a pattern I’m noticing.
(start with T)
C: Son had first day back at school – talked about being unhappy, cried a bit
T: Am I a bad mum, is son in a bad school environment? He’s struggling.
F: Guilty, upset
A: I still supported son – but accused myself in my head, hence affecting my sleep in this case. From position of being upset, easier to behave myself in an anxious way, trying to find solutions quickly rather than stay with what’s going on & be with him. Danger is to act rashly, immediately jump to solutions – change school! – not be patient with things – it was only the first day.
R: Me exhausted, woke at 3.00 am today, making me less able to be there fully for son this evening. Reinforcing idea that things are unmanageable
(intentional model, start with R)
C: School more demanding as years pass.
T: I can help son navigate school and he’s resilient and will grow.
F: Hopeful, containing
A: Be there for son without panic & over-worry. Show him direction towards future. Remain hopeful. Focus on what matters. Fun extra curriculars. Look after myself, sleep well so that I have energy for him too.
R: Home a refuge and place of replenishment and comfort for son.