Son’s screentime


Dear coaches, I feel stuck & confused as to what to do with son’s screen time. He’s 13.5 and spends far too much time on his screens. While I write that to you, I have so many thoughts passing through my head eg ‘there’s nothing that can be done about it’, ‘all teenagers are the same, just give up’, ‘you’ve tried so many times before to sort this: it can’t be done’.

Putting my thoughts aside, I do think it’s a problem for his life to spend SO much hours on screen & I want to keep trying to shift this. Here are the models on this. There are 2 unintentional ones I have running which I would like your input on as they are very strong. I also have an intentional one. As you can see, I know what I would like to do, but I am stuck as to what thoughts & feelings would drive the intentional model as so far the unintentional ones convince me much more.

Unintentional model 1 & 2
C: Son screen time
T: I’m a bad mum for allowing him to be in front of a screen so many hours each day
F: guilt
A: when I feel guilty I sometimes nag at son a bit, but don’t do anything effective, it leads to rumination and non-action
R: I don’t show up as the mum I would like to be in this area & don’t set limits for screen time

C: Son screen time
T: I’m not able to set structures & consequences for his screen time, I have tried before and it doesn’t work
F: helplessness, confusion
A: non-action, stuck in the same place
confusing thoughts: where do I even start?
R: I don’t show up as the mum I would like to be in this area & don’t set limits for screen time

Intentional model:
C: Son screen time
T: ?
F: ?
A: discuss with husband, agree on a few non-negotiables, review what’s going well & what is not going so well, once husband and I are clear on our bottom lines, then discuss & negotiate all the rest with son from a position of respect, agree together on a plan that we all feel able to follow through on and do gradually, implement
Combine with my own screen time that is more than I want it, as well
R: I show up as the mum I want to be and set limits for screen time for both son & myself