Speaking up for myself – Am I a people pleaser!? CTE


I’ve recently noticed something about myself I’d like to change. Last week I was in a pitch meeting with a potential client. There were 4 different parties in a conference room for this meeting (1 developer, 2 different property management companies, and my marketing agency). 9 people total. I’ve worked with one of the property management companies before but the other companies were new contacts.

The meeting got off to a rocky start (parties were not in agreement over pricing), and at one point I observed my colleague (works at management company) put his hand up and visibility shh a younger, junior woman to stop talking. His hand was in her face. It was totally unnecessary and condescending. She stopped talking and that was that.

After the meeting I was really bothered by this. I own my own company and feel that I should have spoken up. I believe I could have done it in a way that was not rude but just matter of fact. I did the thoughtwork around it and figured this out:

– in instances like this I tend to not speak up because I do not want to feel “judged”
– I’m not one that is a “people pleaser” – I’ve really done the thought work to double check on this. I’m 100% fine if someone doesn’t like me. Really. Totally fine.
– But, I don’t want to feel judged. I’m very aware that I don’t like that feeling at all.
– I’m trying to reconcile … is there REALLY a difference?

I’d like to get to the place where, in the same Circumstance, I might pause the meeting and say, “Tom, can you move your hand away Sarah’s face? I’d like to hear the rest of what she was saying. Thanks.”

And feel totally neutral about that.

When I think about saying something like that, my thought is:
– He’s going to feel uncomfortable for being called out in a meeting
– I might be seen as someone who doesn’t go with the flow
– The vibe of the meeting might change to negative

Are these people pleasing thoughts? What do you do when you observe someone doing something that you’re not okay with being witness to?
Thanks for the help!!