I’m needing some clarity and guidance around picking something specific to work toward as I start working on my relationships.
I already have several impossible goals under my belt, I stopped overdrinking and completely flatlined my desire for alcohol, I have lost 80 pounds and no longer struggle with food/am closing out my weight loss impossible goal, and I’m wanting to focus on two main areas moving forward: the first being an impossible goal around money and growing my coaching business, and the second being relationships.
With my weight loss journey, I’ve done a lot of work around my thoughts about myself, self-love, and I’m working on self acceptance now. I’m choosing to do work on relationships with my boyfriend, and a few of his family members who I currently struggle with.
With overdrinking, weight loss, and when I start brainstorming for business/money goals, my thought is that those areas give way to setting clear result-oriented goals. Lose 80 pounds. Stop drinking. Make $100k. Get a certain number of clients.
Like, hard data, hard numbers.
My story around setting a specific goal for relationships:
– I have no easy way to set a specific goal to put in the R line to even start the process of itemizing the obstacles in the way to figure out what strategies
– It’s not as easy to set a goal for relationships because it’s so broad and so vague
– I’m confused about how to even go about setting a specific impossible goal in relationships (A: questioning should I set the goal for just my relationship with my boyfriend? should I set it as an overarching goal for my relationships with his family? Should I make it related to my own self-acceptance, self-love, my relationship with myself?)
– There’s a right way to set an impossible goal, and it involves hard data, and making it concrete and unambiguous, so I’ll 100% definitely know when I get there.
– The wrong way to set an impossible goal is to make it vague, broad, not specific, not precise, because then you’ll just be wandering around without something for your brain to focus on and work toward. I’ll be doing myself a disservice if I don’t set a precise goal from the get-go, then I’ll get several months down the road and look back and realize I’ve been wandering around not really focusing on taking massive action because I never properly set a goal at the beginning. (Kind of like indulging in confusion about it, waiting for an external “sign” to pull the trigger/give me permission to decide on something, but ending up never setting anything so, therefore, I stay safe in the cave). (I also recognize this is what’s currently going on, I’m just aware of it and making it my goal to decide on a goal now instead of 3 months from now.)
– I have to have a concrete goal before I can go all in on working on the relationships workbooks, and doing thought work around it.
– I’m not really committing to anything if I just randomly start working on the relationship workbook without a clear goal, not setting a goal is somewhat of a protection mechanism because in the future when my brain will inevitably wants to give up, it will say well we never really set a clear goal, so technically is it giving up if there’s nothing to give up on?
– The goal can not be as simple as “I have unconditional love for my boyfriend (or his family members, or for myself). (That’s too vague.)
We both know “I want to lose weight” would have NEVER gotten me 80lbs down. or “I want to stop drinking so much” or “I want to make more money”, but I’m struggling to see past the vague statements like that around relationships.