^states of weakness and stagnation

hi Brooke

Happy New Year to you and the gang and the dogs.

I’m still doing my homework every morning, but buffering is ongoing also.

Just reading January docs… “When you live by default, you increasingly accept states of weakness and stagnation and deem it normal.”
This is my constant frustration. That I don’t live up to my own fairly modest expectations and just flop back like a fish in a bucket.

I am modelling on my life story (as told in a very biased manner by me). I’m breaking all of it down in to models and… Surprise! they all look much the same. I was treated mean, I curled up in to a tight ball and tried not to exist, more bad stuff happened.

C: childhood
T: Mum didn’t like or approve of me
F: fear, depression, not good enough
A: curl up… etc
R: become withdrawn and disassociated, accepting whatever was dished out

T: I don’t need Mum’s approval I can love myself
F: empowered, compassionate
A: model negative thoughts and find better ones
R: I am learning to have my own back and manage my own mind


C: childhood
T: Mum only talked to me to scold me or tell me what to do
F: sad, useless, lonely, abandoned, used
A: curl up… etc
R: disassociated

T: My own self-talk is powerful and positive and I don’t need others’ approval
F: strong, empowered, compassionate
A: do models on all my negative thoughts
R: become more and more self-supporting

I’m still feeling a bit half-baked about these models. They kinda look OK on paper but a bit idealistic – half of my mind is telling me they are ridiculous. How will I know I’m really absorbing the juicy goodness of these new models? Will repetition crack it? Or are the models a bit puny?