Staying on protocol thought help

I am on and off protocol a lot over the past few weeks. It’s like I’m doing it on purpose and almost messing with myself. I did a thought download and tried a couple of intentional thoughts but it’s almost like I’m not buying it… Input?
I’m annoyed at having to do thought downloads. This should come easy. I like the way the foods taste in my mouth. It’s hard work and I feel lazy and not like doing hard work. But I want my belly to go away. It holds me back. It’s embarrassing. Will I ever change? I love myself. I need to slow things down, I’m overwhelmed. Things are too noisy and too busy. Maybe I should try meditating. I should get back to my protocol, writing foods down. Sometimes it feels boring. Depressing. Ugh. I’m stuck in these thoughts like a loop. Wanting to lose weight, not following through, relief of not following through, wanting to lose weight, etc…

T: It’s hard work and I feel lazy and not like doing hard work
F: Hopeless
A: I keep eating poorly
R: Overweight

Intentional thoughts:
It is hard work, and I can do hard work
It is also hard work to disguise my belly and live life with extra weight.