Step 2 replay

Yea that’s what i thought! I kept telling me: you can decide that. You can change your thought. But my brain was like: no, we have to be 100% sure. Go and ask for confirmation from brooke&coaches.
I do that often. I don’t trust the process and myself.
Here another day with my mind where i need help with:
So I have one last thing I want to really work on.

I have different moods/phases when coming to the doubtful thoughts concerning my boyfriend.
1. I don’t take them seriously. I can handle them easily because they are just thoughts. And I don’t freak out about them.

2. I freak out because I imagine how I would tell someone and they would tell me:
“that’s not normal”, “let go honey”, “love isn’t supposed to be that way”, “you have been brainwashed”, “you can’t force anything”.
and I freak out because I think something is wrong with me.

Here are some thoughts and models I had today:

C: having the thought that he isn’t the right one and saying to myself “it’s just a brain error”

T: what am i doing here? This is not normal. This is more than that. If you would tell someone that they would tell me I’m crazy and they are right.
f: anxious
a: engaging with the thoughts

R: me being anxious about the thoughts.

I want to reach that point were I don’t let these thoughts or reaction from people of these thoughts let me define me.

Let define my relationship

Of how it should be and how I have to let go bla la.

I want to be the one who can have an amazing relationship even if I have these thoughts. I don’t want it to be a deathsentence of my relationship.

Even if all the people would agree on that.

I also have the thought that everything can be managed and worked on as long as you love the person and are certain of them and don’t have any doubts.

So my case would be an exception. I CAN’T FIX IT. You can fix everything as long as there is love (no matter if its cheating, abuse whatever) but not when everything is good and you have doubts. That can’t be fixed. You can’t fight against your feelings. THAT IS WHAT SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME IF I WOULD HAVE TOLD THEM and I would believe them because I’m still not at that point where I can say “yea, whatever, I don’t believe what you are saying”.

The only reason I have problems with the thoughts is when I make them mean they are a problem, if I make them mean that I can’t go on with my relationship even if I have them, because you know society is like that.

When I my chest feeling and my brain tells me that I can’t be happy, something is wrong I tell myself no it isn’t.

And then the thought comes: you can’t do that. That’s not normal.

Something I could say to someone who was questioning what I was doing:

I don’t feel bad doing it, I feel great. Because I get to safe an amazing relationship.

So why not do it?

Some models I did today of when I had the panicky feeling that something was wrong with me because my brains first reaction was: “you are not that happy, you have doubts”

U.M 1

C: my friend says: look, I hang up the pictures of me and my boyfriend of the photoshooting
t: she’s so happy and I’m not. Something is wrong with me. I have to break up

F: anxious

A: being absent and jealous of her, and feeling trapped and anxious

R: me being scared of talking to someone because of the feeling.

IM 1
C: Same
t: nothing has gone wrong here. You feeling bad is the only reason that is going to make you suffer and give the thoughts the power over you


UM 2

C: my friend says: look, I hang up the picutres of my and me boyfriend and I look at the pics
t: they are so carless and in love and you have these thoughts. Something is wrong with you. You are not that happy.

F: anxious, sad

A: thinking and believing something is wrong with me. Scared that I have to break up because the way my brain makes me feel

R: me feeling bad and not in control

IM 2

C: same

T: I am in love too brain you know! And I have the best relationship. I don’t like the way you say I feel for him. Because its not true.

F: strong, in control

A: being calm, not taking it seriously, not being scared or letting you control it

R: me being happy in my relationship and not letting my brain rule my life

And if I “wave” them away. My brain comes and says: you can’t do that. Its not normal. And if I’m alone in my scs bubble I can do that. But as soon as I’m out there with other people with other opinions and they would tell me other ways. My plan would fall together. It wouldn’t last. I ‘m not strong enough yet. But I want to get there.

Can you help me with that?

I want to stand alone and be strong. And not be scared that someone or something can change my mind at anytime.

How can you reach that point? Is it even possible if I’m not in scs anymore?

Can I survive alone?

Can I be strong enough to think different than others?

I’m sick of always have to rely on your answer I want to be secure and believe and not be scared and anxious.

I have 1,5 months left to learn that.
when I don’t take the courage to believe in it because I don’t feel I can fully defend my doing which would be not giving any meaning to my doubtful thoughts. I fall in a scarcity and anxious mode because I feel so helpless. Like I’m a prisonor of my feelings/thinking. (my inner brooke tells me: you are never ever a prisonor of your own feelings. And I believe that when she tells me that because she’s so convinced of it. I want to reach that level too! ) I want to be able to say that without a doubt.

Please teach me! 😀

I wish you a wonderful day coaches!

Today is a good day to learn!! 😀