My husband has 4 kids from a previous marriage. 3 of them are here with us right now and sometimes they make my blood boil. I feel like it’s such an inconvenience to have them here, in our house – we’re all kind of crammed into this small space and it’s driving me mad. I feel like there’s no where for me to go. I feel like I don’t have any free time to think for myself or even do things that I like.
I’m questioning why I signed up for this marriage in the first place. I love my husband dearly, but I don’t feel that way about this kids. And I feel guilty about this.
The other night, my husband was working a night shift at the hospital and I had the kids to myself, which is my least favorite. Everything was going OK – minimal drama – until we got to bedtime. One of the kids, his little girl just doesn’t listen and it makes my blood boil.
Here is my model:
C: Ollie is not asleep and it’s 30 minutes past her bedtime
T: She doesn’t respect me
A: get short with her; start a battle of wills
R: I don’t like myself
Clearly, a terrible result. I just feel awful about this night.
For my intentional model, I got stuck. I have this resistance to thinking anything but negative thoughts about these kids and it’s TERRIBLE. I just wish they weren’t here. I prefer it when it’s just my husband and I and my life isn’t overrun by children who don’t listen.