I have been working on my thoughts about my husband’s ex-wife. She has a drinking problem so the two girls live with us full time. I am often angry, resentful and lately, I have been curious. Why does she trigger me?

One thought I have is that I want the girls to have a good relationship with their mom. The girls are 16 and 20. I think they should have a good relationship and that their mom should be doing so many things that she doesn’t.

The model I would like some insight on:

C – girls relationship with their mother
T – I want the girls to have a good relationship with their mom
F – helpless
A – search for answers, worry about girls, ruminate. Have thoughts in my head when talking with girls. Feel sorry for them when I am with them. Not present
R – I don’t have the best relationship with girls

C – girls relationship with their mother
T – I support them as best I can and when asked.
F – supportive, compassionate, loving
A – be present, listen, build my own relationship with girls.
R – be supportive

I want to put the ex-wife a lot in my T line, but should I just redirect my brain to me/girls when I have the thoughts about her?