Stepson


I have been a stepmom to my stepson since he was 9. He is now almost 16. About once a week he misses school. This always falls on the ONE day his dad/my husband has to get him up for school. He has sleeping issues and sometimes doesn’t fall asleep until 4 am. When I take him to school I make him go no matter how tired he is.

Every time I wake up and see that my stepson did NOT go to school I am very aggravated. My thought is “He should be at school.” I don’t want to change my thoughts to “he shouldn’t be at school.” or “its ok that he’s not at school.” We have had this struggle for years. He plays sick… and lately he hasn’t been getting his homework done so he “takes a break from school.” (HIS words).

And both of his parents allowed him to NOT be in school last year. He was in an online homeschool and he refused to do it so he was held back a year. Now we have him in this very small private arts school and he loves it. But once a week he stays in bed all day and I’m like “WHAT???” I get irritable and then I make comments to my husband, harp on my stepson. None of this actually leads to any positive change and the person suffering is me.

I need some thoughts to help me because I’m really stumped with this one. Its totally unacceptable for him to not go to school.

I guess I could think:
I can practice letting go of control. (This leads to curiosity)
This is not my responsibility. (This feels defiant. Because in some way I feel like there’s a reason my more strict and disciplined self is here as the stepmom amongst his bio mom/dad who are coddlers.)
I can practice keeping my thoughts, comments and opinions to myself. (Is this healthy? hahaha… but it would probably be good if I did that.)

My current result is that I am very frustrated which leads to tension with my husband who does not want his son to suffer in any way whatsoever. SIGH.