I’m back. I really am determined to get to my goal weight.

Interestingly, I found a small group of “petite” (<5’4) women who are looking to lose 10-20bs. With this accountability group, I feel much more able to stick to my plan. It’s like, since other people “like me” are looking to do the same thing as me, it’s “okay”. I really feel like I’ve been brainwashed into thinking I shouldn’t want to lose weight because I look “fine”, and I’m not unhealthy. I’m 135lbs and 5’3. Which is “fine”, but not what I want.

Now that these other girls are HEALTHILY losing weight, I feel like I have legitimized it for myself. Yes, I know that I have used something external, and think that it is changing my thoughts. This new circumstance has given me access to new thoughts I didn’t have before. But ultimately I know it’s not the circumstance, I choose my thoughts, I just had a hard time believing them without the new circumstance.

New Model
C: Other petite women want to lose 10-20lbs too
T: My goal is valid
F: Motivated
A: Make meal plan, go to grocery store to do meal prep, make a spreadsheet, recommit to my goal, decide to try some intermittent fasting
R: I move in the direction of achieving my goal.

I really wish that I didn’t “need” this external circumstance to validate my goal, but I tried 85 times to think a different thought but I just didn’t believe it. I don’t know why. I tried writing out lines, I recorded a sound recording, but I just don’t believe my own thoughts.