Stopping and starting

Dear Brooke, I just found my weight loss journal from 2011 and it stopped me in my tracks. Since 2011, I have had many “break throughs,” I’ve hired coaches, I’ve been to a diet doctor or two, I found Brooke Castillo in 2014 (yay!!) and gobbled up all of that great knowledge–more break throughs, more epiphanies…….I’ve thought about my weight every single, fucking day….that said, my weight has gone up. My older wiser self is now reading my 2011 journal and thinking…..”You were on the right track, darlin’……you just needed to keep going. Don’t stop.” So here’s my question for you Brooke: Is it really possible that the ONLY think I am not “getting” is that I need to stop “stopping”?? Every time I stop, I think there are feelings underneath all of this that I am not accessing and until I really understand them and face them, I will not be able to stick with any new protocol because I am only using willpower. But every time I stop and start again, I “start” with just a little less motivation and I believe in my success just a little less……..BTW, through the work I’ve done with you, I have come to understand that I use food as entertainment, procrastination, and relief from little stressors and negative thinking. I work full time from home and did not recognize the stealth stress I have every single day as the clock grows closer to the end of the school day when my kid comes home. I considered myself to be SUPER “together” and a “low anxiety” person. So it has been quite an epiphany to realize that I carry a lot of stress–sounds so simple, but it was really helpful!! It was just the beginning of paying closer attention to myself and noticing my emotions, rather than ignoring them.