Striving & Burnout model

All my life I have had a model that I find myself writing out once again today in my TDL.

C: I have a list of multiple goals

(On the list is things like:
*I need to pass my driving instructor training because I have a test on 29th July
*I also want to keep making the money I do as a coach, serving clients 1:1
*I’d like to grow my coaching income and business, right now I bring in 1K each month, *I’d like to grow it to a consistent 5K each month so I can join the LCS coach certification
*I have a part-time job for a university 2 days a week and I want to do it well
*I’m halfway through a Hypno-CBT diploma and would like to graduate this year and to do that I need to complete my written assessments and supervised case studies
*At some point this year I will be moving to a smaller house so I need to radically declutter.
*My home is a mess and I hate living in mess.
*I have 3 kids aged 9, 7 and 5 and I’d like to give them some attention and actual parenting, not just feed them and launder for them and scold them for not picking anything up off the floor.
*I am married and we barely see each other, or talk, we work together successfully (ish!) to run our household but that’s about it.
*I want to re-lose the 8lb I regained this year because I am a weight/food psychology coach and want to walk my talk. I study food psychology with audiobooks, I have accountability partners, set myself goals, keep a journal, try to focus on changing one habit at a time…
*I have now joined scholars and would like to journal and TDL daily as the workbook outlines. I’d like to get the most out of it.
*I have been working on my productivity and time management.
*Ps the kids are signed off school for the next 10 days because of a Covid case.

T: I haven’t got time for my LIFE.

F: Trapped, angry.

*Strive, to do several things at once.
*Go to bed late after sending out contracts, invoices, giving client sessions etc.
*Get up early to do all that fucking journaling which although is absurd and I just swore at it, is my favourite moment of the day when I feel most ‘me’ and calm etc.
*Eat to prop up, incentivise and reward my tired-ass self
*Abuse caffeine, or cocoa, or dark chocolate, with the justification that it’ll wake me up or give me energy
*De-prioritise my family, my kids, and cleaning, so that we become sad, attention-starved, and struggling amid chaos and a feeling of neglect
*Go on Facebook late at night staying up an extra half hour when I should be asleep

R: at least 1 day a week I’m so tired I actually fall asleep during the day. I burn out and restart.

Just to illustrate what a recurring pattern this has been, let me describe:

I used to make theatre shows and work night shifts and I’d do this repeatedly – take on everything g myself, strive, burnout.

I have even done it with having kids- choosing to have three not two – taking on extra, pushing myself, then not being capable of doing a decent job of it.

I am building a house – I could have just bought one – so we are living in a rented flat while it gets built – I took on way more than I needed to, in doing it the complicated way.

Sometimes I think I may have ADHD because my tendency to start things, and take on extra things, and strive and burnout is such a glaring pattern! I’m smart and creative and enthusiastic, (until I’m tired and grumpy and discouraged). But I have also avoided a diagnosis because I may just be lacking the skill of making choices and following through on them, or repeating a thought error big time!

Ps I have taken a look at MondayHour 1. I write a big list weekly, monthly. Realise I can hardly do any of it. Schedule what I can. Where’s the part where you learn how to make decisions and prioritise?