Struggling Teenager

My 18-year-old son is participating in dangerous and sometimes illegal activity. (Alcohol, vaping etc). We live in a community where this is a pervasive problem and many adults turn a blind eye. I have 4 children and have never gone through anything like this.

He recently was in a car accident and ended up at the hospital. We went to therapy with him for a few years and nothing changed. I am educated and have always had a strong sense of who I am. As with each of us, I have faced adversity in my life and pushed through it. I have a great support system of friends and church.

However, after this most recent car accident, my brain has gone haywire. I can’t seem to pull out of the fear (which I had months leading up to the accident) and helplessness. My husband and I totally disagree on how to handle him. My husband believes that if you just love a child everything will be fine in the end. I believe in consequences (logical to me). I am not sleeping at night (my husband sleeps fine) and not showing up as my best self to my other children.

I know that I can’t control either my son or my husband and need to take back my own thoughts, feelings and victim attitude. Can you please give me some suggestions of how to regain my mental strength and where to focus?