My husband and I both work full time and we have 3 small children. He is trying to start a business and has no income, so I provide the only income in our house. In theory we agree to splitting household chores and child rearing 50/50, but in reality I do about 80% and he does 20%. I find myself very resentful. I’ve made it very clear I would like more help from him but he denies that the work load is so uneven and insists that he does a lot. To some extent I think his standards are just much lower than mine. He is not bothered by the house being a mess or the kids not being well cared for. I care very much about these things. I’m struggling to replace my current thought in this situation…

C: Husband sitting on the couch with feet up for hours while I’m rushing to get all the housework and responsibilities done and taking care of kids
T: He should contribute more to our household chores and child rearing.
F: Resentful
A: Nag him to help more, tell him I think he’s not doing enough, imply that he’s lazy, complain
R: Unhappy relationship; Resentment affecting our interactions and our family dynamic; He does not contribute more despite my complaints

Intentional model:
C: Husband sitting on the couch with feet up for hours while I’m rushing to get all the housework and responsibilities done and taking care of kids
T:
F:
R: Happy relationship and family

Suggestions for replacement thoughts or guidance in this situation?
Thank you!