Struggling with Emotion

Hi friend,

Last year at work I experienced what I think was an injustice. In short, I was promised a job that was super exciting and exactly what I wanted to do with my career. So I agreed to leave my existing job in one department, where I was relatively happy, to a new department to take on this exciting new role. Six months into the new department, I was told that I had to take on a completely different job within the department. The amazing job I was told I would originally get, was actually going to another girl. She no longer wanted the job she had, and since she was the Department Head’s favorite, I would have to take her old job. Essentially a job no one else wanted. I was assured that this wasn’t happening because of performance… I was told how much they loved me, and how great I was, and spent a lot of time selling me a bullshit story of how wonderful this new shitty job was. I spent six months hating my job, hating my boss and being miserable. My work suffered, my performance went down, and ultimately my compensation was negatively impacted. Due to the work I was doing for SCS, I realized that “my job sucks this is unfair” was not a thought that was serving me. So I’ve spent the last month trying to change that thought… and things did get better. I’m making the best of this new job. I’m getting along better with my boss, and my ‘hatred’ of this job went to more of a “it doesn’t suck so bad.” I considered myself cured. Well, I guess I didn’t do a great job of actually believing my new found thoughts because today I saw the girl who was given the job I was promised, and she was giggling and happy and talking about all of these amazing projects she is working on that I have waited my whole career to do. All the old anger came right back up. I did a thought download. Interestingly what I wrote down is that I don’t want to stop feeling angry. I feel an injustice was served and by ‘smiling and making the best of it’ it feels like I’m condoning their behavior. I’m telling them it’s okay to treat me this way. Evidence of this is that they continue to give me the shittiest projects in the department because I don’t complain. I smile, make the best of it. Giving me crappy assignments is the path of least resistance so I become the dumping ground of projects no one else will do. The girl that has the job that I was originally promised, had spent a long time bitching and moaning about how much she hated her job (the one I have now), which ultimately resulted in her getting the job I wanted, and dumping her bad job on me. So, although being angry and hateful isn’t serving me, smiling and making the best of it certainly isn’t serving me either. How do you manage for positive thought when you work in an environment where negative, bitchy, complaining behavior is rewarded? Apologies for the cursing – my vibrations of anger tend to come out verbally. 🙂

Thanks as always,
– Heather