Struggling with the end of a relationship


I am having a really hard time with a recent breakup. This man and I got together 2 years ago when we were both married. After 1 year, I got divorced (not because I thought I’d be with the new guy – in fact I thought at that point that our relationship would have to end). And after that things got deeper with the boyfriend. It had all started as just physical and fun but grew into something amazing over time. I truly felt like we were connected not just physically but mentally and emotionally too, and that we were perfect for each other. He felt the same way (he said).

And he recognized that he wanted more for his life than just staying married to his wife out of obligation or the kids. He was taking steps towards divorce. We were planning our life together in specific ways. Then out of the blue he told me he doesn’t know if he feels the same way about me. Said he was stressed and sad about the holidays and the logistics of getting divorced and the possibility of losing the kids. I thought he just needed space. But about 4 weeks after that, I found out via social media stalking (I know, not a good idea) that he was fully back with his wife and acting like none of it had happened. If he had told me he wanted to repair his marriage and be honest with her I would have understood. Or if he had just been honest with me about what was really going on, I would have been able to accept it more easily. But this whole thing has rocked my foundation in ways I didn’t think were possible. I’ve questioned everything about myself. I’ve been devastated and angry and had so much self doubt. I’ve also been so jealous and acting like a crazy person because he is on a trip with his wife and I want him to pay for doing all of this.

The current thought that I can’t get away from is that I will never find anyone else that I’m so connected to. This is superficial maybe but the physical part with him is mind blowing and that’s important to me, and I fully believe right now that no one will compare in that way. I’m highly successful professionally and like to dress nicely and go to fancy , take luxurious vacations etc and that’s been very intimidating to a lot of men because most of them don’t earn as much money as I do. So I’m also telling myself that there’s no one out there that can handle my success. I need some direction in processing all this because I can’t seem to be logical or calm about any of it. Thank you!