My husband and I were married 15 years and divorced. He recently came out as gay. Initially I was okay with it, but a few months down the line I’m wondering if I have really processed it
I met someone quite quickly. We were just dating, but we talked all the time for a few months, then something happened in his life that he described as a mini tornado ripping through his life. He didn’t want to tell me what happened because apparently I am ‘very deep’ and he didn’t want to talk about it, I respected this, then after a couple of weeks of it always being me checking in to see how he is and offering support.
I got to the point where I started to feel a bit silly, I felt like it was very one sided and started to feel like he was replying to be polite and whilst I was happy to give him space I realized this was very open ended and he actually wasn’t saying what he wanted at all, he hasn’t even said he wanted space, I gave him loads of options, talk, not talk, give him space, meet up and he wouldn’t choose one and he said he didn’t want to talk to me about it, so I said I’ll give him space and he seemed happy with this.
As time went on, I told him it felt one sided and he said he understood and he was sorry. I said I wanted to know where I stood and he said he doesn’t know, again I gave him options, no decision again so I said (in a kind and caring way) that I was going to have to walk away as it doesn’t feel good.
He replied saying “But I always reply, so we’re just not going to talk anymore.” Again I replied and said you haven’t said otherwise so sadly yes.
We haven’t spoken since, I feel so down and depressed and cant seem to get over it, how do I move on? We had such a great connection before what ever happened in his life happened? Then everything changed.
I feel a bit sad that he felt he couldn’t tell me (I actually think the fact I’m a coach scares him a little), I feel sad to walk away but I know it was the right thing to do. I feel really lonely and don’t know how to shake the loneliness, it feels like everyone my age has a partner, friends and kids and I am fully alone.
I am now struggling with the fact my ex is gay, telling myself no men want me and my new relationship ended because he didn’t want me either. I spend hours on dating apps and I don’t like anyone. I am constantly avoiding myself, I sit with the discomfort of being alone but it doesn’t get any better.
Just feeling very confused, lost and struggling and don’t know how to move forward from here, I know this is a thought but I feel totally unwanted and unimportant. I want to provide this for myself but don’t know how to.