?? Stuck

Holiday gatherings are at my house with the same people ( inlaws). Have been for 30 years as my family is in midwest. I can’t find a true neutral thought. I say ” maybe nothing is wrong here”. ” let them be who they are and accept it”. “They are content and that is why they keep coming”. ” I don’t need to fix dynamics in this family “. “I can feel like a good daughter in law by not engaging”. ” I don’t need to feel close to them to be a good inlaw”. ” I can enjoy the holiday for what it is and not feel guilty “. The problem is I don’t believe any of these thoughts. They get on my nerves and I am sad I don’t feel love or closeness to them yet at the same time I don’t want love and closeness cuz they aren’t people I respect yet they are my husbands family and my daughters grandma uncle etc. stuck spinning. Help pls