I’m feeling stuck after a disagreement with a friend who ended up walking out of the restaurant on me. I reached out with an apology and invitation to talk. She is not willing to have a conversation and says that she considers it “water under the bridge”. I’m struggling to do that.

C: Disagreement with friend. Friend not willing to talk about it.
T: If we’re truly friends, you’d talk to me about it.
F: angry

T: I don’t understand what I did wrong
F: bewildered

T: I have to talk to you in order to understand what happened
F: desperate

T: If we don’t get closure, I can’t move past this and it’s your fault
F: combative

T: Our friendship is over
F: sadness

I asked myself “What if it IS possible to carry-on as good friends WITHOUT ever talking about it again? Am I willing to let go of the need to understand what happened?”

Then I think “If I don’t understand, how can I keep it from happening again?” and also “I’ll feel so stupid next time I see her and she’s all sunny like nothing happened and I’m remembering how she was so angry at me that she walked out of the restaurant.”

Which brings me to a potent model of:
T: You looked stupid (both at the restaurant and in her mind)
F: shame

So then my questions to myself are:
“What if it IS possible to carry-on as good friends WITHOUT ever talking about it again? Am I willing to let go of the need to understand what happened? Am I willing to let go of the shame?”

I don’t know. It goes agains what I think SHOULD happen. How friends should behave. What a close friendship should look like. How friends should deal with a disagreement. So many shoulds.

Am I on the right track with this?