stuck in a loop creating unwanted money results

I’m becoming more and more aware of my models around how I am continuing to create debt and not have “enough” money and underearning. I am seeing how my self-judgment of all of these things are keeping me in a cycle of creating debt, overspending, underearning. How do I break this cycle caused by self-judgement and get curious and have compassion for myself? How do I work on having an abundant mindset about the money I DO have with the same Cs? Here’s one of my main models right now:

C: received paycheck for $690
T: I don’t make enough money
F: indequate
A: buy clothes. fantasize about wearing new outfits at work and feeling confident. buffer with alcohol. buffer with junk food. scroll on social media. shop online. work a job making $13.20. don’t apply for full-time jobs. delay responding to potential client. don’t market myself as a freelancer/business owner. sabotage my opportunities at creating business. overspend on my bf’s birthday to try to feel better about myself (ex. spent $72 on gifts that I didn’t plan for). I use credit cards to cover my expenses. I don’t go for promotions. I talk myself out of applying for jobs bc I think I am not smart enough. I regret quitting my job making 65k. find all the evidence from the past that I am an inadequate web designer. focus on “mistakes” I made in the past. think “I hate myself”.
R: I create the reality for myself that I don’t have enough money

C: I spent $72 on gifts
T: there is something wrong with me
F: inadequate
A: same As
R: Same R as above