Stuck in indecision about a work social event

I do not want to go to a work social event because I think it’s a waste of my energy and time. I live far away from the destination and it’s my vacation time that was scheduled a long time ago.

I am a top performer in the team and quite indispensable yet I feel indebted to my good manager who invited me to the beach party.

I previously RSVP’d yes because the event was far away and I didn’t want to upset anybody but now as the day gets closer, the more reluctant I want to go.

I often feel like those social gatherings rarely achieve the goal of team-building and everyone was there forcing themselves to mingle (notice this is really not just my thought but also the real truth)

I’ve done some models with an intentional model but it is not convincing to me.

I am going back and forth with this and I am not even enjoying the vacation as a result of the indecision and feeling like I let people down if I don’t show up.