Stuck in my relationship with my dad.

I have been doing my models on my relationship with my dad. I told him 2 years ago that I didn’t want any contact with him because our relationship was a net negative for me. I have tried to do ladder thoughts to accepting him so I can let him back in my life. I have tried on many thoughts to try to get to a believable one that makes me feel comfortable reaching out to him. I can get to acceptance of him for who he is, but I cannot seem to conjure up a thought that I believe that makes me want to reconnect with him, despite the fact that I am uneasy with having cut him out.
Here is the model I started with:
C: My dad
T: He’s not the dad I need or want him to be
F: Disappointment
A: Send him letter cutting off relationship
R: Don’t have a relationship with him
Here is far as I can go that feels believable:
C: My Dad
T: I love him
F: Neutral
A: Occasionally respond to his attempts to reconnect, but don’t actually engage
R: He’s always in the shadow of my mind and I think about him when I’m doing mundane tasks

Neutral seems underwhelming as a response to I love him, but it’s all that comes up. Does repetition of models, or time sitting with different thoughts move the needle? Or am I missing something else here?