Stuck in relationship pattern

Hello, I have been in the process of separating from my boyfriend since September. He will be moving out at the end of the month. I will almost daily cycle through the same emotions of anger, regret, fear, etc. We have gone from not speaking to dating to ‘somewhere in between’. He largely follows my lead on what our relationship is and I am exhausting us both. I had felt huge amounts of jealousy towards him because he seems to handle things fine when we break things off and I can hardly function. I don’t know anymore if I want to be with him or if I am just afraid to be alone. I am new to scholars and am struggling with at least getting my mind to stop looping and obsessing so that I can begin to make decisions that I can stand by.