Stuck on making a decision

One thought that keeps popping up over and over and over again is my desire to have one more child. I’m 37 years old and have a 2 year old and 5 year old. My husband is totally game for another kid and helps out a lot so I know I would be covered on the spousal side. Marriage is pretty GOOD right now. The problem that I am coming across in my thought downloads is that I don’t think I can let go of this dream but I also don’t know if I can tolerate the associated risks of one more baby. My compelling reason to have another child is strong and at times it pains me to think about. Its this mixture of hope and fear. My desire also just seems so illogical given my circumstances. The obstacles feel like high stakes because of what I could lose. Namely, that my physical and mental health were profoundly impacted by my last baby (who is now 2). It took close to a year and a half to recover mentally from that experience (I had to take SSRI’s for 15 months) and I currently have physical health issues that would also be at risk again with another pregnancy and delivery. And yet, when I think about meeting another child, I am overwhelmed with hope and the thought of “I can do it, it will all be ok”, but then I get super scared and think ‘maybe I won’t be ok’. I’m stuck on these two thoughts and its frustrating. I have talked about this over and over, thought this over and over and I don’t know how to resolve this issue. My goal is that whatever I decide, I feel ok about it. My goals is not to feel happy or at peace, just ok. But I want to decide and move on with my goals. I’m trying to determine which I want to live with, the heartache of an unrealized dream (another child) or the potential risk and uncertainty that this choice would bring. Any direction to take my thought work would be greatly appreciated.