Stuck on the model

I don’t understand how the model works with things that are bad. Like if you were abused as a kid, and you carry that with you, how can you use the model to not blame them for carrying it with them now? I see some people using the model to shame people for their actions and results. But when someone has experienced trauma, how can we look them in the eyes and tell them their thoughts create their results when they have experienced so many C’s that they were boxed into very few options? How can we tell them they had a choice and their choices created their suffering?