I’ve been working with a model for a couple of days now and I’m not making any progress in changing my F line to something that is not conflict or anxiety. I’m planning a surprise getaway weekend for my husband’s birthday later this year. Because this is about him, my intention is to only extend the invite to the people he most cares about and wants to spend time with – and here’s where I’m stuck: he has a fantastic relationship with sister #1 and her husband so they are a no brainer; sister #2 and her companion, eh not so much. In fact, he really would rather not spend time with #2 at all and we only see them when it’s a family gathering that requires us all to be together. I realize I can choose to NOT invite #2 but the amount of DRAMA that would cause is just simply not worth it (one of the reason he’d rather not hang around her). So, I feel I need to extend the invite even though this is one couple that he’d rather not spend a weekend with. I want to get to a thought that I can invite her, they attend and it will all be OK but I’m really struggling here.
Here’s the model I’ve been going thru and I honestly know that thinking “maybe she won’t show up!” is not a thought I can truly believe but I’m on the hamster wheel with this right now:

C: invite #2 to bday weekend
T: husband specifically stated returning home this weekend that “the less time we have to spend with them the better”
F: anxious and conflicted
A: avoiding telling her about the plans yet
R: anxiety when I’m doing other planning around the weekend

C: same
T: she is his sister and should be given the option to attend the weekend
F: conflicted, I want this to be a beautiful weekend for my husband
A: still avoiding sending the invite (but have talked to everyone else who will be invited)
R: same

C: same
T: maybe she won’t show up!
F: relieved lol
A: plan the weekend with his closest friends
R: beautiful weekend!