Hi Brooke,

Here is the situation – I have been really sick for the last 4 days with the flu (103 + fever). During that time, my husband has let the countertops pile up with dishes, the sink pile up with dishes, and the dishwasher is still full with the dishes I loaded and washed on the last day that I felt well. I am super resentful that he has left all of this for me to do when I finally don’t feel so bad. It seems inconsiderate and thoughtless to me. So… I tried to do a model on how I feel. Here goes…

C: Mark has not cleaned the kitchen or done the dishes while I have been sick
T: That is so inconsiderate! He should have taken care of that so I would not have to deal with it the day I am finally feeling better!
F: Angry, resentful
A: Think negative thoughts about him; distance myself from him
R: I convince myself that he is inconsiderate, rude and thoughtless

C: Same
T: I don’t believe Mark would purposefully do something inconsiderate to me. He is used to me taking care of the dishes and did not think about me having to do a big sinkful of dishes when I finally feel a little better.
F: This is where I get stuck – as I was writing the T line, I felt myself getting angry again, and I realized what I wrote made me think… How could he see that sink full of dishes and NOT think about me having to do them when I feel better. Why is he letting them just pile up day after day and not taking care of them himself?!?

No matter what I think, I am not able to come up with a believable thought that causes me to not feel resentful toward him for not doing the dishes while I have been sick. I usually just keep on doing what I have to do even when I am sick, but I have been so terribly sick I have not been able to this time. And even as I am writing this, as silly as it sounds, I am getting teary b/c it really hurts that he would not be willing to do this for me while I am feeling so bad. I need some guidance, please.

Thanks so much,
Chris