I graduated from college 14 years ago, took all the extra hours I needed to sit for the CPA and never took the exam. After joining SCS, I decided to take it even though being a CPA is not my end goal. I plan to attend life coach training next year, but wanted to prove to myself that I could pass the CPA in the meantime and finish what I started 14 years ago. I have already taken one section of the exam and although I don’t have my score yet, I know I did not do nearly as well as I am capable of. I have always been a pretty fast learner and been a good test taker. I decided in order to succeed I can not study from home because of the distractions and I need to go to the library so I can really focus. I am an accomplished accountant yet when I study for this exam my brain has been more like a rock than a sponge. Nothing makes sense and I haven’t retained anything. I have been so resistant about going to the library that I made it one of my dares. I planned to go yesterday and got a migraine. I was going to go anyway just to get there, but it got so bad I finally took migraine medicine and layed down for an hour. I did finally make it to the library yesterday and it was fine. I felt like I retained a lot of what I studied and it all made sense. Today I am trying to avoid the library again. I will go anyway, but this is not like me at all to be feeling this way. I woke up late, felt awful, struggled through my work out etc. I wrote about it yesterday and did a model on it:
Unintentional:
C – Go to library to study
T – First step to success
F – Dread
A – Sabotage library visits by feeling sick or making excuses
R – Don’t pass current section of CPA exam
Intentional
C- Go to Library to study
T – First step to success
F – Confident
A – Go to the library and study
R – Retain and understand every thing I study and pass the current section of the CPA exam
I realize I have the same thought in both models, but that is what I am thinking and I don’t think that thought should produce a negative feeling but it does for some reason. Any insight to why I am so resistant to a step that will help me be successful with this? I have never really experienced such a resistance to something that I thought would be no big deal for me. I am good at taking tests. Thank you for your insight.
