Studying Myself


I have joined only a month ago and I have a goal to write a film screenplay. It is a dream I have for several years now but have been procrastinating over it. Thanks to your program I now know why.

In my attempts to study how I behave I created myself a routine where each time I do not follow my plan, I take 20 minutes to understand what happened and how can I learn from it.
With few variations, I keep filling my journal with this almost every single day:

Wednesday, August 15th, 2018

1) What unwanted behavior had happened today?

– My protocol was to do intermittent fasting until 1pm and instead I ate breakfast that included sugar.

– I also shopped online even though I committed to no shopping this year.

– I pushed the time when I planned to write and procrastinated instead.

2) What was the circumstance (event, time of day, incident)?

It was morning time; a time when I planned to work on the screenplay.

3) What feelings led to this behavior?

I felt an urge to eat, especially, sugary food.
Boredom, craving, desire, hunger.
I felt restless and went to shop online.
I felt overwhelm regarding my writing and pushed the time till later.

4) What thoughts led to this behavior?

I want it (food)
Let’s go outside and eat a pastry.
I need it.
I can get by with just going off protocol today and still look good for the upcoming Bar Mitzvah.
I will start after my mom leaves.
Let’s see what is new on ASOS website.
This is a pretty item, I want it.
I don’t know where to start with the writing.
I need a better journal system before I begin.

5) What did I do when these feelings and thoughts came up for me? (Did I pause and allowed the urge, did I do thought download, did I react and obeyed the thought immediately, did I resist it, did I teach my brain why I do not follow its invitation?)

I managed to realize that the invitation thought to go outside and eat is an error thought and I also did not want to go out in this hot weather.
In that sense, the comfort of staying at home and not exert effort to go outside surpassed the comfort the sugary food offered.
When I realized I decided to stay at home I thought what do I have at home that will satisfy the cravings and chose the sweetened yogurt with fruits and granola. Then I also shopped online to get another dopamine hit.

6) What do I want to make this mean?

I am learning how to get back to eating on protocol and following what my higher brain had committed to.
I am learning how to slow down, pause, and carefully choose the right action for myself.
I am learning that nothing has gone wrong and my lower brain did its job perfectly by trying to be efficient and do what it knows best to do, as well as seek pleasure when it sensed an unfamiliar activity coming for us.
I understand that when my brain is avoiding something I set out to do it is a sign that there is growth ahead for me and that this is something that matters to me.

7) What did I learn from this?

I learned that I must pause and not obey the urge, so that I can allow myself to choose a better alternative than is offered to me.

—–

After doing this journal every single day and sometimes more than once a day for the last three weeks, I am beginning to think maybe I am wasting my time on all these questions. Maybe I am asking the wrong questions.
I would appreciate your guidance as to what am I missing in my self-coaching practice?